Lost, but Never Forgotten

Last night I found out that a good friend passed away months ago. We had had no mutual friends, so it wasn't something I would have heard through the grapevine. It hurt the most because I knew he was depressed. I knew he was hurting and santed to be there for him. Then I became very self-involved because my marriage was falling apart.

One of the days I was crying and blubbering and thinking only of how sorry I was for myself, Chris committed suicide. A brief week after I had last spoken to him.

Specialist Christopher Alan Akin was a friend. Someone I had looked up to and admired since I was 15. He was always kind and made friends so easily. He was smart. Brilliant, in fact. And I loved him. He was one of the first guys I knew and was actually friends with that I had had a crush on. And the one I was sure would always be out of my league. And he was.

Over time, my love grew and changed. It was still love, though not the love I had for James, it was love, nonetheless. It was a full and pure love. The love of a friend and admirer without the taint of physical intimacy.

Every time he came back to town, he stopped at my old home. Even after learning that I had moved, he kept stopping in and would visit with my family. He helped Mom out around the house and yard, talked about video games with my little brother.. He was an admirable man.

In the Army, Chris was a medic. In my life, Chris was a hero. He remembered me when I was forgotten (oh how dramatic we teenagers are), and found me when I was lost. We hadn't reconnected for long before he left, but I will always be touched by this man. He will never be forgotten.

G'Kar: I believe that when we leave a place, part of it goes with us and part of us remains. Go anywhere in the station when it is quiet, and just listen. After a while, you will hear the echoes of all our conversations, every thought and word we've exchanged. Long after we are gone, our voices will linger in these walls for as long as this place remains. But I will admit that the part of me that is going will very much miss the part of you that is staying.

Chris, you are loved and remembered. Every Arby's, bookstore and coffee shop remind me of you. Everytime I hear the word "elf" or see a ducktape masterpiece, I will remember you with a smile and a tear in my eye. The few memories I have, I cherish. Just because they are few does not mean they are not precious.

As this baby grows and I start to potty train, I will think of that birthday, so many years ago, in the children's section of that bookstore. (I wonder if I can find that book?) I will remember that night and smile, because you showed me that we can still trust in people, still laugh and smile and have an amazing time without spending money.. That may have been the simplest birthday celebration I have ever had, but it is my favorite by far. And sweeter still because you remembered.

I will never forget.

Specialist Christopher Alan Akin, you will be remembered and honored. Chris, my friend, your memory will be treasured.

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