The twins settle pretty quickly without their older sibling making a bunch of noise and asking a lot of questions and it gives them a chance to talk to me about their day. Then, when I move to J's bed, if they are awake, they tell me about their day. We talk about what they think they did really well and what they could have done better or differently as well as what they think tomorrow will look like for them. J isn't always awake when I go to their bed, so we don't have these little talks every day, but they make me feel really proud of the person that J is becoming and the progress they've made in their social/emotional development. When I go to their bed and they are asleep, I lay down next to them and put my arm around them. Usually, even in their sleep, J will snuggle into my body and it brings back memories of when they were a newborn and snuggled into me in their sleep. The memories flow over and around me and I can't help but think how lucky I am to have this little person love and trust me so completely that they instinctively curl into me when they are most vulnerable.
Being a mom hasn't been an easy road for me and I sometimes worry that I'm doing more harm than good and that I will completely ruin these little people that rely on me because I'm just not the parent that they need or deserve. But when they curl up against me in their sleep, actively choose to be near me - even if I have to work, and when they show that they want to be near me, I feel like I am doing alright. If I can only do one thing for them, I want to provide them with a mother that they want to be around not because they *HAVE* to be, but because they love and enjoy being around.
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